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(U): from Udo to Urban Trad
KEY: Winner Runner-up Third-place Top 5 Debut Entry Host Entry Last Place Nul Points

UDO (performer)
Austrian entry, Copenhagen 1964: 6th place (11 pts); Naples 1965: 4th place (16 pts) ; Luxembourg 1966: WINNER (31 pts)

Keep on going until you win Eurovision? If you're Udo, u do.

Austria's answer to Robert the Bruce's spider, Udo finally struck gold - not to mention the piano keys - at Eurovision 1966 in Luxembourg.

In later years, Udo has become less known for his Contestual success, and more for the fact that his first name sounds like a euphemism for dog poo.

UKRAINE (nation) First entry: Riga 2003. 1 1 0
Ukraine, we saw, you went.

Never mind. See you in 2004 - if you get through the semi final.

(NB: That last entry all seemed very clever and ironic back in 2003).


ULRIKA (presenter)
The first UK ESC for 16 years. We all expected the late Jill Dando to be the Keeper of the Scoreboard (and prayed it wouldn't be Anthea Turner), but instead the Beeb got a rush of patriotism and offered one of the plum TV jobs of the year to a Swede and an Irishman (see TERRY).

Still, that's what the contest is all about: giving your continental neighbours a leg-up once in a while.

Ulrika did give a very watchable Scoreboard Hour though, all the better for taking a gentle poke at the miserable Irish spokeswoman, managing to be nice to the 'patiently vay-ting' Norwegian vote-deliverer, and, of course, reminding Conny Van den Bos just HOW old she is.

The next year, Europe got Yigal. Funny how things turn out.


UN, DEUX, TROIS (song) French entry, The Hague 1976: RUNNER-UP (147 pts)
This tribute to Cliff's score three years previously scored Un, Quatre, Seit for Catherine Ferry in 1976.

In those days, 147 was usually enough to scoop the trophy, but Ms Ferry hadn't reckoned with Brotherhood of Man and their natural ability for never having both feet on the floor at the same time. However, France only delayed their victory for one year, as they beat Britain into second place at the return leg in London.

It is unknown if Catherine had also planned to devise a dance that would entrance a continent especially for her performance at The Hague, but if it had involved indicating the numbers one, two and three with her fingers, she would have had to be careful the gestures for the first two weren't misinterpreted by any watching jurors.


UN BANC, UN ARBRE, UNE RUE (song) Monacan entry, Dublin 1971: WINNER (128 pts)
One of the truly superior ESC winners, taking the emeralds home to Monaco in 1971, even if they did suddenly get a nervous girly fit about hosting the contest in '72.

Severine took this ballad to victory, although, judging by her recent appearance on Channel 4's Top Ten: Eurovision programme, she now appears on the French version of Stars In Their Eyes as Dick Emery.

It's still a top song though.

UN TRAIN QUI PART (song) Monacan entry, Luxembourg 1973: =8th place (85 pts)
Surely a train's key part is its engine, but nevertheless, that is what Sophie chose to welly out for the Monagesque contingent in 1973.

This is, actually, a bloody good song, with a melody so firmly based in the wind section it probably sent the front two rows of the crowd at the Nouveau Theatre flying into the gods.

One can also assume that, on the day the 1973 contest was aired, one British composer was stuck at home surrounded up by countless balls of screwed-up manuscript paper as he struggled to come up with a theme tune for the forthcoming series of Black Beauty.

Upon hearing the entry for Monaco, he quickly assumed the country was so small nobody could possibly know if he borrowed a few notes here and there and took out a fresh piece of paper...


UNITED KINGDOM (nation) First entry: Frankfurt 1957. 5 15 2
The European branch of Interpol is still trying to locate this country after it being robbed more than ten times by various European countries in the past forty years.

In recent years, Interpol's reasons for tracking this country down has changed; the UK is currently believed to be a place of sanctuary for jailbait Australian vocalists and other teenage girls who have committed serious crimes against vocal chords.

In 1999, a poem was written using only the 152 words contained in the song titles of the 42 UK entries in the 20th Century. It went thus:

Never beg for kisses, Jack.
Why?
Without love your heart string only give up on you,
Making a lonely little devil who's enough friends to shine in the city.
Giving the wrong message to a world where congratulations are little.
Just light our love up or go bang.
Man things, Girl things - there are two little games you all know.
Love is a high bottom step,
a better boom box,
a step in the groove again.

Always knock the rock,
Live your old days, high light the night.
Save love, steal love, borrow the bad love,
get it looking further.
Long for a time you be one.

Knock a bit back, Mary.
Ding! High power the mind.
Let it say one love, Ann.
One birdie sure do belong to me.
Ring the little love puppet, say your, "I...I...I..."
Sing me a wonderful symphony
I'm runner out of love.

ooh...

aah...

bang

The poet was then asked to do the same thing with all the Yugoslavian entries, but later went to hospital with a severe headche.


UNSPEAKABLE URGE TO SLAP SOMEONE (notion)
This condition often rears itself when watching Mr Mouth's half of the Dutch performance in 1974. It is widely known that Maggie McNeal herself suffered from this affliction, especially when being dragged across Brighton Common on a luggage trolley by someone who looks like Demis Roussos on prozac.

The condition was believed extinct for twenty years, until that man started going 'Oh Yeah..' toward the end of Wir Geben N'Party and it returned stronger than ever before.


UNSUBSTANTIAL BLUES (song) Hungarian entry, Helsinki 2007: 9th place (128 pts)
This one didn't do Finnish public transport's pan-European image much good.

At both the semi and final of Eurovision 2007, Magdi Ruzsa stood by that bus stop waiting for a four-wheeled chariot to whisk her away to a new life. And did it come?

Non-showing buses aside, this was a rather good slab of blues, which sounds like it shouldn't really work at the Contest, but managed to slip in effortlessly.

Unfortunately for Magdi, once her performance was over and she headed back to the Green Room, the blonde girl from Scooch kept trying to grab her suitcase, insisting it had to be checked in before the voting started.

URBAN TRAD (imaginary language pioneering silver medallists) Belgian entry, Riga 2003: RUNNER-UP (165 pts)
Shlob dabbu dind flah. Grunf halla di-li-moo Sanomi in reavux orpus cantra blithing ferrom.

Blimm drardly Urban Trad buv plompidus vunni ergus damron Rudolf Hess lopadeff bingim-bagnum-boo shlorpus dae.

Dessdrubb nae ginthe fibral cessions delkad bong innae pagbipes else field ordo bryg hur foofle ryt up a cow's bottom.


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