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(Y): from Yardena to Yugoslavia
KEY: Winner Runner-up Third-place Top 5 Debut Entry Host Entry Last Place Nul Points

YARDENA (singer/presenter) Israeli entry, Dublin 1988: 7th place (85 pts)
Eurovision's only presenter sandwich (no, not that sort) in that she sang as part of an all-girl threeway for Israel in 1976, did half the voting bit in 1979, and came back to do a bit of singing again in 1988 - by which time she had gained a crap perm.

Now you'll be shocked by this - but Yardena actually began singing (yes, really) whilst on National Service. One third of the trio Chocolate Menta Mastik, the group's name came from the codenames the three of them would use when attempting to break into the boy's showers after rifle practice. Such naughty girls.

YASSOU MARIA (song) Greek entry, Helsinki 2007: 7th place (139 pts)
Sarbel should have thought a bit more carefully about the title of this song before he performed it so energetically on the Helsinki stage.

Hard-of-hearing Texans who tuned into Eurovision 2007 by accident can now be seen at rodeos across the state, looking for girls called Maria to lasso.

The chirpiest man in Israel was a natural choice to do the scoreboard bit at Jerusalem '99.

He had the crowd in the Jerusalem Conference Centre wetting their pants with laughter during his banter with the juries in his voice which varied in tone so often, as well as the 23 different ways in which he told them to stop blethering on and just read the votes out. Rumour has it that Yigal is being groomed as the next Clifford Brown. No, really.

YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE (song) Croatian entry, Istanbul 2004: 13th place (50 pts)
Have you had an accident in Zagreb? Tripped over a paving stone? Or perhaps some stripping women have thrown their bra in your eye?

Call Ivan Mikulic, the Balkans' premier legal person on compensation claims. Ivan and his team all wear brown suits and will do their utmost to get you every penny you deserve.

Except, perhaps, for that three minutes when he has to duck out of the office, in his suit, and represent Croatia at the 2004 Eurovision Song Contest.

YOU CAN COUNT ON ME (song) Irish entry, Bergen 1986: 4th place (96 pts)
It's Ireland, the group's called Luv Bug, could this really be an up-tempo song from the Emerald Isle?

Well, sort of. You Can Count On Me has all the makings of being a piece of perfect pap, what with the giant pink puffa sleeves on the lead singer and the 80s electric drum-kit, but it gets caught in a tidal wave of niceness from the outset and just doesn't quite reach the shore again.

Managing to finish fourth, I'm pretty sure Luv Bug weren't too upset. However, on leaving Norway, the lead singer was left red-faced by customs officers who discovered that the shoulder pads of her jacket were in fact concealing an entire North Sea oil rig, which she was smuggling back home in order to become a sort of singing Irish version of JR.

YOU GOT STYLE (song) Lithuanian entry, Copenhagen 2001: 13th place (35 pts)
We're probably lone voices here - but this is the type of thing the contest needs more of - having the p*ss ripped out of it in a non-Stefan Raab way.

Lithuania's 2001 entry was 'performed' (it certainly wasn't 'sung') by Skamp, proving for the first time in 32 years that Irish girls really do know how to do uptempo.

In an accurate reflection of the song's lyrics, Skamp's backing singers were bedecked in what truly are the fashions of the moment in Lithuania. Indeed, anyone not wearing a dayglo pink afro wig is unkindly shown the back of the queue at all of Vilnius's trendiest pubs, clubs and libraries.

YOU'RE SUMMER (song) Swedish entry, Luxembourg 1973: 5th place (94 pts)
If you've started from 'A' and worked your way methodically down to 'Y', stopping off at each letter on the way, you'll have realised that Encyclopaedia Eurovisica has no place for puerile, toilet-based schoolboy humour (ahem).

Therefore, you will be most gratified to learn that in this entry: for the song which stopped ABBA taking Ring Ring to Luxembourg '73, there will be no mention of the line which mentions that one of the Nova's love interests has tits which look like swallows in bed. Oh...bugger, we've been rumbled.

YOUDDIPH (singer) Russian entry, Dublin 1994: 9th place (70 pts)
Considering it's so big, it took the EBU about 40 years to realise that Russia (or whatever you want to call it) actually exists. The Russians made up for lost time by putting 39 contests worth of costumes onto their debutante singer Youddiph all in one go.

She tried her best to display them all to the crowd in The Point during her performance, but bless 'er, she was never going to manage it in 3 minutes. The song Eternal Wanderer manages the not-very-hard feat of being better than Rock n'Roll Kids, but alas for Youddiph, it was to be about 3 years before good songs started winning the ESC again.

She now duets with Alla Pugachova on Russian TV as their answer to French & Saunders. My god, they're absolutley tattifilarious, especially when Alla does that trick with the microphone which isn't really there. Again.

YUGOSLAVIA (nation) First entry: Cannes 1961. 1 0 1
After the embarrassment of their first win in 1989 with the 'son of a mayer/piano player', 'impress me/bless me' rhyming couplets of Riva's Rock Me, the Yugoslav government had no option but to fragment the country and burn all copies of the single.

This certainly stopped other countries stealing their pencils, pulling their hair and making suggestive comments about the keyboard player with the monster chin at UN meetings in the Harrogate Conference Centre.

Riva were considered so ugly that they were ordered to wear tights over their heads for the remainder of their brief career. The person who had that idea was awarded the Nobel Prize for Good Ideas in 1990, but was later stripped of the honour when it was discovered that the same person had also had the idea for Eurocat.

Encyclopaedia Eurovisica
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